I saw this today on Craigslist as I was perusing the ever constant pet adoption postings... it sums up my feelings about a lot (I won't say "most") of pet owners that do not fully think through the responsibility of owning a pet for 10+ year before they purchase... just wanted to share...
Before you adopt a pet, please really think through your decision and do your research... think about your priorities, your loyalty, how much time you realistically are willing to spend with your pet over the next 10 years, how much time your pet will spend alone, how often you travel or want to travel, how patient and consistent you can be with training (yes, I will say it: most "bad" dogs are a result of a bad owner), the cost of food, treats, toys, annual vaccinations, medicines, the pet's potential allergies...
and yes, I understand a dog is "just a dog", and a cat is "just a cat"...
and if this post makes you mad, that's fine. You shouldn't own an animal.
Imperfect Pet Owner Seeks Perfect Adopter (Everywhere)
Date: 2010-06-29, 7:05AM EDT
Imperfect Pet Owner Seeks Perfect Adopter
I wanted a pet, so I got one. But I am tired of taking care of it, and paying for it. I might even be moving, in which case I would have to pay a pet deposit or spend an extra 30 seconds planning how to take along my pet. Maybe I decided to have a baby or get a boyfriend (or girlfriend). Anyhow, I don't want my pet anymore. Oh wait, that sounds every bit as selfish as I am. I mean, I can't keep my pet. Yeah, that's it. Oh allergies- YES, I suddenly got allergies. No one will question that.
Now about my pet. I've had it since it was a kitten (or pup, or egg if reptilian) and now it's middle aged, the age NO ONE wants to adopt, but didn't you see- I need someone to take care of it.
Anyhow, since this process will be very upsetting for my formerly precious pet (and because I may feel an inkling of guilt) I want the adopter to give it a home where there are no other pets, so it doesn't have to share your affections (even though I've been ignoring it for months). Now let me tell you how sweet, lovable, and darling he/she is. Also, allow me to fail to mention that he/she has a urination issue when scared, or he/she eat sofas, etc.
Oh, and I think you should pay a fee to show you're capable of buying cat food. And plus I spent money on it 8 years ago and heck I can get a few boxes of diapers for the baby with that cash.
Besides, everyone knows that you can tell a person who's taking your pet to be a test lab subject by whether or not they'll shell out $50. If my pet is purebred, I will likely try to charge you hundreds. Because I spend hundreds and this is a very valuable pet. I just don't want it anymore. But YOU should want it enough to help me recoup my original purchase price.
Now, I hope you'll take it right to the vet, because he/she is behind on shots. And was never spayed/neutered. And make sure it gets premium food and all the things it deserves, but I am too selfish to even continue to care for it. And remember, this is a commitment- you better not take it and then change your mind ever because only I can do that. Now that I dumped him/her on you, he/she is too traumatized to ever face that again.
Last of all, I will now close by telling you that I need this person who takes over my responsibility to come along quickly, because otherwise I *may* have to take him/her to the pound. I probably won't, but that threat is sure to scare someone into hurrying up and taking over my responsibility.
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
BP
admittedly, i don't watch a whole lot of the news.
we watch our 20 minutes of news/Malcolm in the Middle each morning, and depending on what is being discussed, it's often more Malcolm than it is news...
but at the very least, i know what the big news stories of the day are...
i might not know all the details, i might not have an opinion, i might be too sick/sad/irate to watch one more segment about a particular subject - but i have some idea of what's going on around me...
here's to those that live in a bubble, and choose to publically display it...
we watch our 20 minutes of news/Malcolm in the Middle each morning, and depending on what is being discussed, it's often more Malcolm than it is news...
but at the very least, i know what the big news stories of the day are...
i might not know all the details, i might not have an opinion, i might be too sick/sad/irate to watch one more segment about a particular subject - but i have some idea of what's going on around me...
here's to those that live in a bubble, and choose to publically display it...
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Sip Vodka
Hilarious email I received...
A new Priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the Monsignor how he had done.
The Monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."
So next Sunday he took the Monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm.
Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door:
1) Sip the vodka, don't gulp.
2) There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3) There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C..
7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the Spook.
8) David slew Goliath; he did not kick the shit out of him..
9) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.
10) We do not refer to the cross as the 'Big T.'
11) When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, "Take this and eat it for this is my body." He did not say, "Eat me."
12) The Virgin Mary is not called 'Mary with the Cherry'.
13) The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God.
14) Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.
A new Priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the Monsignor how he had done.
The Monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."
So next Sunday he took the Monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm.
Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door:
1) Sip the vodka, don't gulp.
2) There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3) There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C..
7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the Spook.
8) David slew Goliath; he did not kick the shit out of him..
9) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.
10) We do not refer to the cross as the 'Big T.'
11) When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, "Take this and eat it for this is my body." He did not say, "Eat me."
12) The Virgin Mary is not called 'Mary with the Cherry'.
13) The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God.
14) Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Sh!t My Kids Ruin
A new favorite website... hilarious! and it hasn't quite gone mainstream yet...
http://shitmykidsruined.tumblr.com/
http://shitmykidsruined.tumblr.com/
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Do you pick up pennies?
Next time, I will... this is an interesting read...
You always hear the usual stories of pennies on the sidewalk being good luck, gifts from angels, etc. This is the first time I've ever heard this twist on the story. Gives you something to think about.
Several years ago, a friend of mine and her husband were invited to spend the weekend at the husband's employer's home. My friend, Arlene, was nervous about the weekend. The boss was very wealthy, with a fine home on the waterway, and cars costing more than their house.
The first day and evening went well, and Arlene was delighted to have this rare glimpse into how the very wealthy live. The husband's employer was quite generous as a host, and took them to the finest restaurants. Arlene knew she would never have the opportunity to indulge in this kind of extravagance again so was enjoying herself immensely.
As the three of them were about to enter an exclusive restaurant that evening, the boss was walking slightly ahead of Arlene and her husband.
He stopped suddenly, looking down on the pavement for a long, silent moment.Arlene wondered if she was supposed to pass him.... There was nothing on the ground except a single darkened penny that someone had dropped and a few cigarette butts Still silent, the man reached down and picked up the penny.
He held it up and smiled, then put it in his pocket as if he had found a great treasure. How absurd! What need did this man have for a single penny? Why would he even take the time to stop and pick it up?
Throughout dinner, the entire scene nagged at her. Finally, she could stand it no longer. She casually mentioned that her daughter once had a coin collection, and asked if the penny he had found had been of some value.
A smile crept across the man's face as he reached into his pocket for the penny and held it out for her to see. She had seen many pennies before! What was the point of this?
'Look at it..' He said... 'Read what it says.'
She read the words ' United States of America'
''No, not that; read further.'
'One cent?'
'No, keep reading.'
'In God we Trust?'
'Yes!'
'And?'
'And if I trust in God, the name of God is holy, even on a coin. Whenever I find a coin I see that inscription. It is written on every single United States coin, but we never seem to notice it! God drops a message right in front of me telling me to trust Him? Who am I to pass it by?
When I see a coin, I pray, I stop to see if my trust IS in God at that moment. I pick the coin up as a response to God; that I do trust in Him. For a short time, at least, I cherish it as if it were gold. I think it is God's way of starting a conversation with me. Lucky for me, God is patient and pennies are plentiful!
You always hear the usual stories of pennies on the sidewalk being good luck, gifts from angels, etc. This is the first time I've ever heard this twist on the story. Gives you something to think about.
Several years ago, a friend of mine and her husband were invited to spend the weekend at the husband's employer's home. My friend, Arlene, was nervous about the weekend. The boss was very wealthy, with a fine home on the waterway, and cars costing more than their house.
The first day and evening went well, and Arlene was delighted to have this rare glimpse into how the very wealthy live. The husband's employer was quite generous as a host, and took them to the finest restaurants. Arlene knew she would never have the opportunity to indulge in this kind of extravagance again so was enjoying herself immensely.
As the three of them were about to enter an exclusive restaurant that evening, the boss was walking slightly ahead of Arlene and her husband.
He stopped suddenly, looking down on the pavement for a long, silent moment.Arlene wondered if she was supposed to pass him.... There was nothing on the ground except a single darkened penny that someone had dropped and a few cigarette butts Still silent, the man reached down and picked up the penny.
He held it up and smiled, then put it in his pocket as if he had found a great treasure. How absurd! What need did this man have for a single penny? Why would he even take the time to stop and pick it up?
Throughout dinner, the entire scene nagged at her. Finally, she could stand it no longer. She casually mentioned that her daughter once had a coin collection, and asked if the penny he had found had been of some value.
A smile crept across the man's face as he reached into his pocket for the penny and held it out for her to see. She had seen many pennies before! What was the point of this?
'Look at it..' He said... 'Read what it says.'
She read the words ' United States of America'
''No, not that; read further.'
'One cent?'
'No, keep reading.'
'In God we Trust?'
'Yes!'
'And?'
'And if I trust in God, the name of God is holy, even on a coin. Whenever I find a coin I see that inscription. It is written on every single United States coin, but we never seem to notice it! God drops a message right in front of me telling me to trust Him? Who am I to pass it by?
When I see a coin, I pray, I stop to see if my trust IS in God at that moment. I pick the coin up as a response to God; that I do trust in Him. For a short time, at least, I cherish it as if it were gold. I think it is God's way of starting a conversation with me. Lucky for me, God is patient and pennies are plentiful!
Friday, June 11, 2010
The 12th President of the United States
Do you know who the 12th President of the United States was?
“Abraham Lincoln!”
“Wrong”
“What do you mean wrong? Everyone knows he was the tallest president!”
“Tallest? I said twelfth!”
HA!
And no, I didn’t know who the 12th President was… and Abraham Lincoln was the 16th…
Millard Fillmore
Zachary Taylor
P.S. did you know while Abraham Lincoln was the tallest president (at 6 ft 4in) he only had Lyndon B Johnson by ½ an inch? AND Thomas Jefferson by 1 ½ inches?
“Abraham Lincoln!”
“Wrong”
“What do you mean wrong? Everyone knows he was the tallest president!”
“Tallest? I said twelfth!”
HA!
And no, I didn’t know who the 12th President was… and Abraham Lincoln was the 16th…
Millard Fillmore
Zachary Taylor
P.S. did you know while Abraham Lincoln was the tallest president (at 6 ft 4in) he only had Lyndon B Johnson by ½ an inch? AND Thomas Jefferson by 1 ½ inches?
Thursday, June 10, 2010
A driving lesson
This is the perfect picture to describe how I feel about people every day...
(p.s. received the picture from a friend) :)
(p.s. received the picture from a friend) :)
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Top 10 Country Western Songs
Sorry I've been MIA lately... this new job is keeping me motivated and busy! (which is nice)
10 Top Country Western Songs:
10. I Hate Every Bone In Her Body But Mine
9. I Ain't Never Gone To Bed With an Ugly Woman But I Woke Up With A Few
8. If The Phone Don't Ring, You'll Know It's Me
7. I've Missed You, But My Aim's Improvin'
6. Wouldn't Take Her To A Dogfight 'Cause I'm Scared She'd Win
5. I'm So Miserable Without You It's Like You're Still Here
4. My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend And I Miss Him
3. She Took My Ring and Gave Me the Finger
2. She's Lookin' Better with Every Beer
And the Number One Country & Western song is....
1. It's Hard To Kiss The Lips At Night That Chewed My Ass All Day
10 Top Country Western Songs:
10. I Hate Every Bone In Her Body But Mine
9. I Ain't Never Gone To Bed With an Ugly Woman But I Woke Up With A Few
8. If The Phone Don't Ring, You'll Know It's Me
7. I've Missed You, But My Aim's Improvin'
6. Wouldn't Take Her To A Dogfight 'Cause I'm Scared She'd Win
5. I'm So Miserable Without You It's Like You're Still Here
4. My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend And I Miss Him
3. She Took My Ring and Gave Me the Finger
2. She's Lookin' Better with Every Beer
And the Number One Country & Western song is....
1. It's Hard To Kiss The Lips At Night That Chewed My Ass All Day
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