Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?
SARAH PALIN: The chicken crossed the road because gosh-darn it, he's a maverick!
BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for change! The chicken wanted change!
JOHN McCAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.
HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure right from Day One that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me.
GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.
DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?
COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.
BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken.
AL GORE: I invented the chicken.
JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.
AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.
DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before he goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his current problems before adding new problems.
OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a NEW CAR so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.
ANDERSON COOPER, CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.
NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.
PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.
MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.
DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why he crossed I've not been told.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.
JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see the plain truth? That's why they call it the 'other side.' Yes, my friends, That chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the Liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like 'the other side.' That chicken should not be crossing the road. It's as plain and as simple as that.
GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.
BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heartwarming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its lifelong dream of crossing the road.
ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.
BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2010, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken2010. This new platform is much more stable and will never reboot.
ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?
COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?
Friday, January 21, 2011
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Damn You Auto Correct!!
GIANT thanks to my friend that sent me this website... I have been laughing so hard, I have tears coming down my face... my husband thinks I'm crazy...
http://damnyouautocorrect.com/
Best Laugh of 2011...
http://damnyouautocorrect.com/
Best Laugh of 2011...
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Monday, December 27, 2010
Antoine Dodson
Have you seen the news report from Alabama? The one where someone attacks Antoine Dodson's sister and Antoine becomes famous for his silly tirad?
Go to youtube and search for Alabama Attacker.
Be sure to watch the news cast first... and then watch the Bed Intruder Song...
it makes me laugh every time...
Go to youtube and search for Alabama Attacker.
Be sure to watch the news cast first... and then watch the Bed Intruder Song...
it makes me laugh every time...
Sunday, December 26, 2010
Merry Christmas Blizzard 2010!
Our mastiff's enjoyed the snow :) and then ran into the street...
Merry Christmas!
Merry Christmas!
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
I heart Thomas Jefferson...
... and not just because I went to UVA and they brainwashed me :)
(An awesome reminder to every person who considers himself an American)
Thomas Jefferson was a very remarkable man who started learning very early in life and never stopped.
• At 5, began studying under his cousins’ tutor.
• At 9, studied Latin, Greek and French.
• At 14, studied classical literature and additional languages.
• At 16, entered the College of William and Mary.
• At 19, studied Law for 5 years starting under George Wythe.
• At 23, started his own law practice.
• At 25, was elected to the Virginia House of Burgesses.
• At 31, wrote the widely circulated "Summary View of the Rights of British America" and retired from his law practice.
• At 32, was a Delegate to the Second Continental Congress.
• At 33, wrote the Declaration of Independence.
• At 33, took three years to revise Virginia 's legal code and wrote a Public Education bill and a statute for Religious Freedom.
• At 36, was elected the second Governor of Virginia succeeding Patrick Henry.
• At 40, served in Congress for two years.
• At 41, was the American minister to France and negotiated commercial treaties with European nations along with Ben Franklin and John Adams.
• At 46, served as the first Secretary of State under George Washington.
• At 53, served as Vice President and was elected president of the American Philosophical Society.
• At 55, drafted the Kentucky Resolutions and became the active head of Republican Party.
• At 57, was elected the third president of the United States .
• At 60, obtained the Louisiana Purchase doubling the nation's size.
• At 61, was elected to a second term as President.
• At 65, retired to Monticello .
• At 80, helped President Monroe shape the Monroe Doctrine.
• At 81, almost single-handedly created the University of Virginia and served as its first president.
• At 83, died on the 50th anniversary of the Signing of the Declaration of Independence along with John Adams.
Thomas Jefferson knew what he was talking about because he-himself studied the previous failed attempts at government. He understood actual history, the nature of God, his laws and the nature of man. That happens to be way more than what most understand today.
Jefferson really knew his stuff. A voice from the past to lead us in the future: John F. Kennedy held a dinner in the white House for a group of the brightest minds in the nation at that time. He made this statement: "This is perhaps the assembly of the most intelligence ever to gather at one time in the White House with the exception of when Thomas Jefferson dined alone."
Quotes from Thomas Jefferson:
When we get piled upon one another in large cities, as in Europe, we shall become as corrupt as Europe.
The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who would not.
It is incumbent on every generation to pay its own debts as it goes. A principle which if acted on would save one-half the wars of the world.
I predict future happiness for Americans if they can prevent the government from wasting the labors of the people under the pretense of taking care of them.
My reading of history convinces me that most bad government results from too much government.
No free man shall ever be debarred the use of arms.
The strongest reason for the people to retain the right to keep and bear arms is, as a last resort, to protect themselves against tyranny in government.
The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants.
To compel a man to subsidize with his taxes the propagation of ideas which he disbelieves and abhors is sinful and tyrannical.
Thomas Jefferson said in 1802:“I believe that banking institutions are more dangerous to our liberties than standing armies..If the American people ever allow private banks to control the issue of their currency, first by inflation, then by deflation, the banks and corporations that will grow up around the banks will deprive the people of all property - until their children wake-up homeless on the continent their fathers conquered.”
soooo anyone else think we're screwed?
received this in an email... and Love it...
How did Jefferson know?
(An awesome reminder to every person who considers himself an American)
Thomas Jefferson was a very remarkable man who started learning very early in life and never stopped.
• At 5, began studying under his cousins’ tutor.
• At 9, studied Latin, Greek and French.
• At 14, studied classical literature and additional languages.
• At 16, entered the College of William and Mary.
• At 19, studied Law for 5 years starting under George Wythe.
• At 23, started his own law practice.
• At 25, was elected to the Virginia House of Burgesses.
• At 31, wrote the widely circulated "Summary View of the Rights of British America" and retired from his law practice.
• At 32, was a Delegate to the Second Continental Congress.
• At 33, wrote the Declaration of Independence.
• At 33, took three years to revise Virginia 's legal code and wrote a Public Education bill and a statute for Religious Freedom.
• At 36, was elected the second Governor of Virginia succeeding Patrick Henry.
• At 40, served in Congress for two years.
• At 41, was the American minister to France and negotiated commercial treaties with European nations along with Ben Franklin and John Adams.
• At 46, served as the first Secretary of State under George Washington.
• At 53, served as Vice President and was elected president of the American Philosophical Society.
• At 55, drafted the Kentucky Resolutions and became the active head of Republican Party.
• At 57, was elected the third president of the United States .
• At 60, obtained the Louisiana Purchase doubling the nation's size.
• At 61, was elected to a second term as President.
• At 65, retired to Monticello .
• At 80, helped President Monroe shape the Monroe Doctrine.
• At 81, almost single-handedly created the University of Virginia and served as its first president.
• At 83, died on the 50th anniversary of the Signing of the Declaration of Independence along with John Adams.
Thomas Jefferson knew what he was talking about because he-himself studied the previous failed attempts at government. He understood actual history, the nature of God, his laws and the nature of man. That happens to be way more than what most understand today.
Jefferson really knew his stuff. A voice from the past to lead us in the future: John F. Kennedy held a dinner in the white House for a group of the brightest minds in the nation at that time. He made this statement: "This is perhaps the assembly of the most intelligence ever to gather at one time in the White House with the exception of when Thomas Jefferson dined alone."
Quotes from Thomas Jefferson:
When we get piled upon one another in large cities, as in Europe, we shall become as corrupt as Europe.
The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who would not.
It is incumbent on every generation to pay its own debts as it goes. A principle which if acted on would save one-half the wars of the world.
I predict future happiness for Americans if they can prevent the government from wasting the labors of the people under the pretense of taking care of them.
My reading of history convinces me that most bad government results from too much government.
No free man shall ever be debarred the use of arms.
The strongest reason for the people to retain the right to keep and bear arms is, as a last resort, to protect themselves against tyranny in government.
The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants.
To compel a man to subsidize with his taxes the propagation of ideas which he disbelieves and abhors is sinful and tyrannical.
Thomas Jefferson said in 1802:“I believe that banking institutions are more dangerous to our liberties than standing armies..If the American people ever allow private banks to control the issue of their currency, first by inflation, then by deflation, the banks and corporations that will grow up around the banks will deprive the people of all property - until their children wake-up homeless on the continent their fathers conquered.”
soooo anyone else think we're screwed?
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